August 11.Today is a hard day.

August 11.Today is a hard day. All day has been a battle in my mind for control of my thoughts. We have been in class all morning with a lunch break and all afternoon ending for a dinner break. My mind cannot retain the information being pushed at me; it couldn’t maintain focus either. I found it wondering toward the U.S. I broke today. The first tears have been shed on Chinese soil. I miss my family and my friends. Several people filled my thoughts today… What are they doing? Do they miss me? Are they doing well in everyday life? My heart was filled with sorrow as reality hit me. I face an eleven-month period of living without anything that has defined me or made me who I am today. All is stripped away. All but the Son. The Son. My Savior. I sat today in class with this daunting realization looming over my head following with a trail of fearful questions… What will happen after 11 months? Will I be different? Will my friends forget about me or will they be different? Will I find a job, go back to school or stay in China for a longer time? I was attacked with these questions. I had to consciously make an effort to sit in the present- in a class where we were learning things like phonemes and ‘teacher talk’. How am I going to make it through this year? Was it a mistake to come here? Why am I here?! After a long day of fighting my seemingly uncontrollable mental process, the Father revealed himself. For dinner tonight, we were assigned “mixed groups”. Mixed group dinners occur when the leadership throws all of us into different groups of five or six to get to know others in the program who will not be on our individual teams. I went to dinner with four other girls: Laura (who had her birthday today), Abigail, Sam, and Emily. We went to a pizza place and I had my first semi-American meal since being here. It was delicious! (They don’t really eat/serve cheese here so that was incredible to fulfill that craving!!) Then we shared testimonies- how He had lead each of us here to China. We had different but very similar journeys. Every time I hear someone’s story on the process in deciding to come to teach here, I am blown away by the Father’s ability to work in so many individual lives. Needless to say, the Spirit met me at dinner tonight in the testimonies of these women. I was blessed. And thankfully, after dinner my Changchun team of 11 joined with the “supers” (or the few individuals from last year’s team who have returned for a second year) in a time of talking to the Father. I needed this so badly. I needed to sit and soak in His presence- To be with him in a sweet time with my brothers and sisters. Today was my hardest day by far. I was met with the enemy on many fronts. Fronts I thought I had found victory in before I arrived here. Quickly I remembered, as long as we are present here on earth, those victories are not complete. He will win all our battles for good someday, but He has not yet returned to end this suffering. All this to say, He showed up in a big way today- to comfort me in my sadness, loneliness, inadequacy, fear and doubt. He is faithful always. I lift you all up today… may you be met in a big way by the Spirit. Look for Him, He’s there in the middle of it all.