Blog Archive

Saturday, April 4, 2015

The Woman I want to be...

They ask you what do you want to do when you grow up? We respond with a career, a practical next step, then justification for our answer. 
When did we stop dreaming? When did we start answering based on cultural expectancies? When did we start seeing what we want to be someday as more important than who we want to be?
I've worked in many jobs since graduating college. I've worked in several American states, and several foreign countries. I've had some quite high adventures and also a few heartbreaking lessons. But one thing I know without a doubt now, is how to answer this infamous question: What do you want to be someday? 
What do I want to be? Me? Courtney? What I want to be is easy, because it's not what, it's who. Who I want to be is a woman of God; focused on loving Him and then loving others. Sight of priority for self absent. 
And this woman is: 
wise..... not quick to let her immature knee-jerk thought come barreling out of her mouth rolling over people like pins in a bowling game. 
humble... quick to recognize her error, even quicker to ask forgiveness, and call upon the Holy Spirit to renew her heart, cleansing her with the blood of the lamb. 
courageous... unwilling to let the fear of future kids, careers, or locations intimidate her. Rather, she boldly proclaims Jesus power and name as sure as her blood coarsing in her veins. 
Generous... by nature, defaulting to an others-centered life laying no claim to selfish ambition. Fleshly desires crucified on the cross. 
Hopeful... who speaks life into her husband, her children, her home, her life present, past and future. Who uses words with intentionality to love and create light among those wandering in darkness. 
Healthy... who prioritizes her fitness and nutrition. Giving life to her passion of showing women, children & families how to honor God in the mundane of a personal lifestyle. 
Integrity... who honors and eliminates her financial debts. Standing true and firm to her commitments regardless of the tempestuous sea she swims against to achieve this. 
Honoring... who cherishes her husband in word and deed. Bringing him joy through her faithfulness and respects his leadership as head of the house. Walking with him as his helpmate in his career, friendships, evangelism, decisions and daily purpose. 
Prayerful... who finds her place quickly with the Father as she speaks freely of her thoughts, fears, joys, struggles, temptations and heartaches. Laying bare before her Creator the cares of her heart knowing full well his love is captivated by knowing her in this way. 
Faith-filled... who looks and trusts God to write redemption in her story and in the stories of those around her. Breathing existence of hope where bleakness controls. 
A Woman of God. 
That is who I want to be. Who I want to be known as. And never more clearly have I seen how easily I fail to be this woman, but never more clearly has it been spelled out for me... Scripture is clear. 
Life is simple, truly. As a Christina, I have one calling, and two purposes. 
One calling: pursue righteousness. 
My two purposes: to be a woman after God's own heart, and to devote my life relentlessly loving and caring for God and for others. 
Be a woman who stands up to culture, and boldly lives out her divine calling without the need to apologize or justify. It's your life- live in color! Boldly! Give full energy to being this woman, and God will be pleased. It's about eternity, not the latest fashion trends, the quickest workouts, newest fad diet or how many followers we have on Instagram. 
We are a people born with a calling, both with a purpose. You don't have to find the answer to the question of what to do with your life- it's already been ordained. 
Love God, love others. Let life flow abundantly from your Creator. 
xoxo, Court

Thursday, February 19, 2015

More. Simply More

Late night. My heart betrays my weary body.

I'm tired. Tired of so very much in life right now. And when I can't seem to find rest physically, my best medicine is to write. Write my heart, release my words, wander aloud, fill the vacant, emptiness.

My life hurts right now. There is pain in very simple things, and pain in very complicated things. Pain from relationships, pain from environment. The past 6 months have been some of the most difficult in my life while simultaneously boasting the greatest streaks of beauty. They've held personal, daily barriers I've not once encountered before and too often feel ill-equipped to successfully handle. They've held battlefields I never imagined fighting within and yet the only option is to continue to fight; fight for a hope of a brighter tomorrow. They've lacked many comfortable things. Simple, everyday comforts so many enjoy. Family, my girls who know my heart inside and out, kids I've poured into, a job with daily eternal victories, simple foods that taste and smell familiar, tiny culturisms that are recognizable. A season where I have missed much. And I have hurt much.

Yet it is not just that... I have also found much.

I have found bravery in unlikely spaces within myself.

I have found love in unconditional ways not experienced before.

I have discovered inner beauty I didn't realize I possessed.

I have sat weekly among sisters and brothers who genuinely seek my higher good, and eternal sanctification.

I have expanded my awareness of self in moments of breaking.

I have gathered resilience when I thought impossibility overcame me.

I have encountered depth inside I was unaware existed.

I have found Jesus. More gracious, more loving, more brave, more beautiful, more resilient, more forgiving, more compassionate... more.

I have found Jesus to be more. And for this reason, I praise Him. I sit here and praise him until the emptiness wanes and the vacancies are filled. I praise him in my words, in my thoughts, in my actions. I praise this sweet, sweet Savior of mine who called me to Himself years ago.

Who hasn't let go since.
Who holds fast, strong, tender.

For this, I can say it is well. And for this, I can say tomorrow... it is well.

"It is well, with my soul. It is well, with my soul. It is well. It is well. It is well, with my soul
Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. And it is well"

Jesus saves. He delivers. He provides. He is more. More than the pain I feel. More than the things I've missed. More.

Simply more.

Let him tell you now.. how much more.