More. Simply More

Late night. My heart betrays my weary body.

I'm tired. Tired of so very much in life right now. And when I can't seem to find rest physically, my best medicine is to write. Write my heart, release my words, wander aloud, fill the vacant, emptiness.

My life hurts right now. There is pain in very simple things, and pain in very complicated things. Pain from relationships, pain from environment. The past 6 months have been some of the most difficult in my life while simultaneously boasting the greatest streaks of beauty. They've held personal, daily barriers I've not once encountered before and too often feel ill-equipped to successfully handle. They've held battlefields I never imagined fighting within and yet the only option is to continue to fight; fight for a hope of a brighter tomorrow. They've lacked many comfortable things. Simple, everyday comforts so many enjoy. Family, my girls who know my heart inside and out, kids I've poured into, a job with daily eternal victories, simple foods that taste and smell familiar, tiny culturisms that are recognizable. A season where I have missed much. And I have hurt much.

Yet it is not just that... I have also found much.

I have found bravery in unlikely spaces within myself.

I have found love in unconditional ways not experienced before.

I have discovered inner beauty I didn't realize I possessed.

I have sat weekly among sisters and brothers who genuinely seek my higher good, and eternal sanctification.

I have expanded my awareness of self in moments of breaking.

I have gathered resilience when I thought impossibility overcame me.

I have encountered depth inside I was unaware existed.

I have found Jesus. More gracious, more loving, more brave, more beautiful, more resilient, more forgiving, more compassionate... more.

I have found Jesus to be more. And for this reason, I praise Him. I sit here and praise him until the emptiness wanes and the vacancies are filled. I praise him in my words, in my thoughts, in my actions. I praise this sweet, sweet Savior of mine who called me to Himself years ago.

Who hasn't let go since.
Who holds fast, strong, tender.

For this, I can say it is well. And for this, I can say tomorrow... it is well.

"It is well, with my soul. It is well, with my soul. It is well. It is well. It is well, with my soul
Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. And it is well"

Jesus saves. He delivers. He provides. He is more. More than the pain I feel. More than the things I've missed. More.

Simply more.

Let him tell you now.. how much more.