"True Love"

Happy New Year Friends...

As I move into this new year, I am in my first week of break from my first semester teaching here. Time has flown by, and yet, I feel I have been overwhelmed recently with revelations from on high of how He wants to mold me and areas He wants to tenderly transform in my life. As these things are coming to the light, I have the initial instinct of fight and/or flight. As many of you know, growth is painful. Especially as I move more and more into His light, there is painful awareness of my inadequacies, failures, and downright sinfulness. It's often easy to allow this overwhelming sense of sinful humanness to deceive you. To make you think you are still in that state. For this blog entry, I am going to encourage you of something I am learning... I may see my disgusting sin as I go deeper with Him, but the truth that I believe in, my bedrock, is that I don't remain in this ugly state. One of my teammates spoke truth into my life on Sunday night by telling me of a vision she had of me. I was out in the middle of the open seas and the sea was raging around me. I was trying to stay on the surface fighting for breath and peace. Then, I stopped fighting and I allowed myself to sink. But, I was not sinking to death. I was sinking into life as I was sinking deeper into the rest of His love. Down below the raging surface, there I found peace. There I found His love and rest within. This vision is analogous to my relationship with my Savior. Below is an expression of this in a letter I wrote. This letter is written by me, but addressed to myself from the Father. (an awesome style of journaling I have come to love as I was once encouraged to try by a friend).

"Daughter,

      Just stop.... stop criticizing yourself, stop beating yourself up, that is not why I died on the Cross. That is not why I sacrificed everything. Stop looking for answers that will come in the future-I Am the All-knowing One-claim me, let go of the future- rest in where you're at right now! Remember my faithful hand of provision in bringing you here- look at how far we have come. I don't have you here on accident. Purpose is the life I promise, by having given you my Son and now my Spirit!
     You cry out, 'but I miss this or I miss that',
     I say 'look at me! Daughter look into my eyes- I say, I have better for you-I have more for you!'
    You say 'I want to be loved',
     I say, 'Have I not already written you the greatest love story of all ages?'
    You say, 'I cannot hear you'.
    'Then stop my Child! You are so concerned about fixing this or maintaing that that you forget the simplest pleasure of sitting in My restorative presence!'
    You say, 'I want to do something great with my life'
     'Do not fear a meaningless life. Look around you- have I not entrusted my precious daughters and sons into your hands? Right now you are a part of a beautiful tapestry weaving and sewing the most colorful patterns that show the glory of my magnificent Hand.'
     You say, 'I want to be this way or that way'
     'But, you often forget Your Father is the Creator of everything... of YOU! ... the bestower of wisdom, love, creativity, patience, purity and so much more.. Instead of looking around you, look up! Tap into my sources there is no greater!'
     You ask, 'How can I keep going when I lack so much?'
     I repeat, ' all who come to drink of my cup and eat of my bread will never be lacking. My Kingdom is where your citizenship is... you do not belong in America or even in China- the only place you can claim as your home is where my Son came from because remember you are but dust! Your wisdom is so small that's why I ask you to walk by faith and not by sight! I am sufficient-claim this in your life! Stop self-pitying yourself- you have more to live for than allowing the things of this life to weigh you down! The things in this life I have already conquered in assured victory. I rose from the dead to never die again! Live in this! You need to behold my glory. You need to stop and breathe. I am all you need- the Kavad and Shikenah! I am your air- I am your beloved. I am your Savior! I am Sovereign and in complete control- you need to keep this perspective! You get comfortable with my Word and my Character and my being, but daughter if you only knew! If you only knew all of me, all my strength, all my power, all my grace, glory and every aspect of me you would not be able to behold it with your humanly senses! I will take you to the highest of heights and I will paint for you the most beautiful sunsets with glimpses of my Glory. I forgive and remember no more, I always love and I remain firm in this love covenant with you! I will always choose you and pursue you! I called your name! I know you! My daughter, my beautiful creation, can't you see... I love you... I cast the first stone at my Son.. not at you. "

Please take the time to watch this video known as a "sermon jam": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzbK2A5BN1I&feature=related

I want to challenge you to take some time-rest in the Father's love for you. Then, if you feel led, write a letter to yourself from Him. Listen to what His Spirit has to tell you. Be blessed by the Greatest Love known to mankind. 

"Remember the Father led you all the way in the desert these 40 years to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone But on every word that comes from the Mouth of the Lord!  Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these 40 years. Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his Son, so the Father disciplines you" -Deuteronomy