Childhood Memories

This past week I have been battling the desire to become more consumed by my flesh than the Spirit. After 3 weeks of being back into full swing of second semester, and pursuing new goals (which requires less "me" time and more "others" time), I am officially exhausted! My flesh screams... "Be selfish! You need time for yourself!!" Thus, this week I have felt "off". But, as the Father would have it, He deals gently with me by moving at a slower pace. He is still teaching me, but at a more restful pace that is not all-consuming or overwhelming... because He promises His burden is light (Matt. 11:30). Along with teaching me gently and moving me slowly in sanctification, He also has  been lovingly giving me moments of great joy with my students! I truly believe one of His biggest avenues of showering me with His love this year has been through my students!

This week, my students were assigned oral presentations. I asked each student to come prepared with a 2 minute oral presentation about their favorite childhood memory (good or bad). [I know I'm such a mean teacher lol- hey I feel no pity.. I was once a language student shaking and stuttering in front of my class with foreign words tripping off my tongue!] Anyways, apart from giving them a little dose of nerves, the assignment is specifically designed to provide practice for their oral final exams and give me the opportunity to learn more about each of them! And I have been doing just that!

On Monday, I had a student, Jack Black, share how his favorite memory is one he was too young to remember. When he was 7 months old, his mother abandoned him with his grandfather. Because his family was very poor, he didn't have a source of food! The village in which he lived in came together as a community. There was a woman who had a baby around the same age as Jack Black and was willing to feed him as her own. He said it is his favorite childhood memory because he would not have survived and grown strong without her feeding him!

Today, during my Wednesday 1,2 class, I had another great opportunity to learn from my students! My favorite story told this morning was from Jeffery. Jeffery shared about a little girl that he was friends with when he was a child. One time when they were playing, she gave him a little note. He opened it later and Jeffery literally said, "it had 3 words written on it". The whole class began to giggle, and another student siting in the very front turns around to look at me, holds up three fingers, repeating "3 words! 3 words!" And all of a sudden in all his excitement, he fell right out of his chair, crashing onto the floor! My hand flew to my mouth as the whole class flew into an uproar! I could NOT stop laughing... I almost started crying at how funny the scene was. And the worst part about it, this same student had fallen out of his chair two weeks ago! He just gets so excited! haha So the whole class is dying of laughter, and I'm trying to pull myself together.... but it's moments like this where I say to myself Courtney, you are still such a kid... a grown-up should be concerned about this kid and keep the other kids from embarrassing him by laughing at him, but nope! You are laughing longer than any of them!!  Well... what can you do?! The Father made me with a love for and exceptionally easy ability to laugh! Moments like this in the classroom, although potentially dangerous, are what draw you and the students closer together! So thank you Father for moments of laughter with my students! What a beautiful gift that seems to always overcome the cultural differences & barriers! Anyways, I have not finished Jeffery's story! So after the class composes itself, Jeffery continues. He says later, he wrote a note back to her and stuck it into her backpack without her knowing. And Jeffery finishes with, "the note had four words on it!" *sigh* Cutest favorite memory award goes to Jeffery! :)

I love love! Anyways, the most recent lesson the Father has taught me, is about waiting. I am currently waiting to hear back about an application I submitted for grad school in counseling. I have the BIGGEST desire to go to this school and learn through this program because the vision of ministry He has given me is to love His daughters (specifically high school and college age) through walking life with them. I'm not quite sure how or what this looks like, but I believe an MA in counseling and psychology from a seminary is the avenue He wants me to use for this vision! But, after I turned in my application, the Spirit showed me many fears I had about the future. I began to work through these fears with Him and the promise He gave me

 "wait. Wait on my Hand to move. Don't do your typical "oh I trust you Father, but I need a plan so I'm going to finagle this back-up plan in case you don't figure yours out or yours fails".

 Hold up! Hello experience in China!!

When do His plans EVER fail?! 

When do His plans never work out?! NEVER!

When do mine fail?! ALWAYS!

When do mine never work out the right way?! ALWAYS!

So, He has given me one word "wait". While He has given me this word, He is showing me what that looks like according to His Word.

1. It does not mean pursuing other "options" in the meantime. It literally means wait.

"Waiting, trusting, and hoping are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain. Trusting is the central strand, because it is the response from My children tha tI desire the most. Waiting and hoping embellish the central strand and strengthen the chain that connects you to Me. Waiting for Me to work, with your eyes on Me, is evidence that you really do trust Me. If you mouth the words 'I trust You' while anxiously trying to make things go your way, your words ring hollow." (John 14:1, Ps 27:14, Hebrews 6:18-20) -J Calling

I was tested in this when the past week, I received several personal e-mails from various businesses asking me to apply. All of them enticed me in some way or another and I began doing research. Then I stopped. Did He not ask me to wait?! And what am I doing?! I am "anxiously trying to make things go my way!" 

2. While waiting, ask Him for what you want... over and over and over again!

Luke 18... the story of the persistent widow teaches us about Father's character.. He delights in having us come to Him with our wants... and He will never tire of hearing them! You are the apple of His eye! So we are to not lose heart... or to not cease to ask. He loves His children and seeks to hear.

3. While asking and waiting, be cautious that "the thing on which I wait, isn't what I desire more than I desire Him" [Matt Chandler  http://www.themchandlers.blogspot.com/ ]

Just this week, He has shown me that while it is good to be asking Him continually to answer this request of mine, and I should be never losing faith in asking for it, I ultimately need to acknowledge that when I seek to ask Him for anything the purpose is to draw me in closer relation with Him. If it is not doing that, and my thoughts are more controlled and selfishly centered on the "thing", then I am losing sight of the purpose of thought time= to spend time in communion with Him!

4. Sing songs of Praise when He does answer.. because He Will answer... one way or another, in His perfect timing beyond our human capacity to see or understand, He will answer (Isaiah12)