Two passions of mine: scrappbooking and journaling. I love to create on paper what my life looks like in my mind and heart. I have a diary or journal since about 3rd grade. I've yet to miss any moments without capturing it in ink. I also have different styles of scrapbooks that also have collected on my bookshelf. Some are half journal/ half scrapbook capturing the beauty of both my thoughts and frozen pictures of time. And I love looking through each of them every now and then.
With my recent move back home, I have begun to feel reminiscent. I guess moving back into your home-home room can do that to you. There are momentos gathered over the years cluttering your living space. Things like trophies from traveling soccer teams as a 10 year old, to artwork you made in that one class you took in high school, to a line-up of spoons that were collected from all the places in the world I've visited. Memories and things line the walls. It gets you thinking. Here are some thoughts surfacing in me as I adjust back to living home.
I miss my youth- I treasure the memories I have made. I've truly been blessed with one incredible childhood. Now as I'm growing up, I see how incredible it will be to play the opposite role in a childhood- the starring role of a mother. While that's a ways away yet, I'm excited that life gives you almost a re-cycle to enjoy those incredible moments again- but with a different lens.
Another thought I've had is how different life looks in retrospect than how you initially thought or planned for it to turn out. I always figured I'd go to school, play sports, and go to college. But that's the strange part. I never really thought much beyond college. I just figured my life would resemble the pattern of my parents. Get married out of college and begin the real adventure with a husband and an awesome job I love. But, that's the cool thing about God. He is full of surprises. And not just surprises that knock you off your rocker for a bit as you're stunned and then try to re-adjust. It's more like the best surprise ever type of surprise. I've only been out of college for 2 years. But wow have they been strange- in the best way possible.
I spent my first year in China. I loved every inch and minute of China. It was painfully hard at times, but it has been one of the best years of my life so far. So much changed in me and I am still discovering exactly what has and in what capacity the changes have occurred. But ultimately it comes down to this: being ruined for the ordinary. Since returning from China, I have been through quite a whirlwind. I was home for a month, moved to Texas, did one semester of grad school, and then moved back home. All semester God kept bringing the idea of moving home back into the forefront of my mind. I kept trying to push it away. He wouldn't have it. (wonder where I got my stubbornness ;) So, I packed up and came back home. No job or plan figured out. The first week I was home, I had several job interviews. One of the job interviews was in all honesty one of the best interviews I've had in my life. Not just my ability to answer the questions, but the way I connected with the man and woman interviewing me. I felt comfortable and at ease discussing the questions they asked. I knew in my mind then, if I would be offered that position, I would take it- I would love to work for/with those two people. I truly didn't anticipate receiving the position because of my lack of specific experience, and frankly, I didn't feel old enough for the position. Yet, God is crazy and said that's what you'll be doing. The position is as coordinator for Children and Family ministry at a local church.
Let me back up now to give you the broad scope of how amazingly strange God has written my story up to this point…. about 1.5 years ago I was deadset against the frame of mind of girls around me: they only wanted to be married, have kids and stay home. I thought they were crazy and often made fun of them (sorry). I was motivated, and I had purpose. Then 1 year ago, I spent a year becoming best buds with someone who falls into that category of girl- she would love to stay at home and be a mom and wife. She taught me numerous things throughout the year, and my mentality toward that role for a woman began to change. I was still generally opposed to the idea when it came to how I would live my life. I had goals I wanted to achieve and dreams! But, then 5 months ago I moved to Texas. And God continued to work on this piece of me. I didn't like kids at this point in my life. I never have been the one who loves to babysit, or runs right over to a little kid joining their world of imagination. I did it when I was younger cuz I needed an income, but I would never feel 100% comfortable or enjoy it thoroughly like a lot of my other friends. And as God would let irony have it, I get to Texas and BOOM! I am somehow, all of a sudden, a weekly Sunday school teacher for the 3/4 year olds, and a weekly babysitter for an incredible family of 6- with 4 girls. I was hesitant at first, but knew 2 things: 1. I desired to serve in the church body and 2. I could totally babysit a few girls on a weeknight each week. I didn't anticipate these two things revolutionizing me and my heart. I fell in love with all the kids in my Sunday school class, and the 4 girls I babysat. They loved on my heart satisfying my desire to be loved that I didn't even know I had. I began to LOVE kids. It was so weird the emotions I would feel being around them- feeling protective and nurturing. Enjoying reading bedtime stories, scratching backs, baking cookies, leading follow-the-leader around an 8x8 classroom, high-fiving a little one when he recited his memory verse. I loved it. And then God did the craziest thing…. he has now placed me in a position that I once thought was my weakness- confirming that He will use it as my strength. I will now be working full-time within children and family ministry. I get to personally invest in the lives of the future generations and hope that they too might fall in love with Jesus Christ as they grow-up. What a crazy way of moving my heart.
Part of enjoying your relationship with God comes from your ability to remember. Memories serve as a lens for understanding God's character and seeing His love transform your life. I hope after reading some of how He's changed me, will inspire you to stand in awe at how He has transformed you. Life is never what you imagine- it's better. Trust Him with what He's doing in your life. In the droughts and the rain, His love is pouring down- He is trustworthy.
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit" Jeremiah 17:7-8
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