Confession

It is never too late to start fresh, to achieve what you've always wanted, to live and pursue what you wish you had the strength to do. Tonight, I risk laying my heart out to beAs a Christian no thing or person apart from God has power over you. To say you can't stop this or stop that is to claim idolatry is more powerful than the God you claim to know. Well I've been living in disbelief. God is capable, and he wants so badly to go deeper with you to bring things to the light. Tonight, I risk laying my heart out to be judged. I risk it all because I choose to believe in the truth of scripture and the power of confession. Here is my confession:

Well it's time to bring things to the light.
1. I really care what others think of me: it shows in my addiction to buying clothes, buying beauty products, taking pictures of every event in my life to post to a social media sight where hopefully there will be enough positive feedback so that I can articially sustain myself emotionally. What absolute crap I'm feeding myself!

I was made for more than that! I was not made to live in bondage to anything or anyone! I was freed to live in the power of Gods Holy Spirit and Christs saving work!! So why do I find bondage so alluring? Why must I keep going back? I've not brought it to the light. The enemy has no power in the light- He loses control. 

2. I've been trying to learn how to budget and I trick myself into believing I NEED these pair of boots or I NEED those distressed skinny jeans or I HAVE to have that chevron patterned oversize sweater. And social media makes this obsession far worse than it could be- shopping is easy online, blogs are everywhere with what to buy and where the deals are... a web spun to grab hold of you and keep you hoping you wont recognize you're in captivity. This is the work of the enemy. He spins a web like a spider and preys on me to shift my attention to the world, to tune into the voices of society and to lose sight and grasp of truth. And too many times it works! I don't stick to my budget because there is always a good excuse or justification of why I should/can make his one allowance! NO!! I don't need any of those things I listed above to have Christ shine through me and the Spirit move through me! And that's exactly what I was put on this earth to do! I have a purpose and this world constantly tries to make me question my purpose. Would I love to do His work in a pair of gorgeous $140 Hunter rain boots this season, yes!!! BUT I'm tired so so tired of living in slavery to artificial needs! I do not need this stuff. I just need Him. So desperately. I also have responsibilities as a steward of His things. One such thing is my budget. I do need to stick to my budget. I'm capable of it and it's absolute lies to say or believe that I can't. I'm feeding my livelihood off of the priority and eyes of the world. Well I was made different. It's time I start acting like it.

3. I'm always whining or complaining about something wrong with where I'm at in life! It is the EASIEST thing to look down at your feet and dwell on poor pitiful me when you are running in a race where your legs might be tired, your breathing labored and the finish line out of sight. I too often am a broken record of "I can't move out on my own, I'm not in a career, I'm not married, there are no kids, and I don't live in the city with my best friends etc etc etc." Excuse me Courtney, why do I need any of these things?!?! I do not!!! 

Am I currently serving for the kingdom of Christ right now? Yes. 
Are my daily needs being met? Yes. 
Do I have a lover of my soul who is the only one capable of satisfying my desire to be accepted and loved? YES! 

The rest, the details, the future is irrelevant. Living in anxiety over the future is meaningless. It robs me of dwelling on Gods power to get me through today. Today is the day I'm living.

I think a few big things contribute to my lack of contentment in life and lack of living on the Holy Spirits power in a real raw way. (Which, in all honesty, sin aside my deepest desire is to live in the fullness of His Spirit's power.) I believe social media has made these chains a little easier to put on myself. I compare pictures, I compare lifestyles, morality choices, places of work, vacations, engagements and the list goes on and on. I can try to write it off by saying im just "staying in touch". But this breaks my heart. I know the truth. 

The truth: How often do I stay in touch with scripture in my day? How often do I stay in touch with the spirit through prayer in my day? Am I comparing my life to the true standards of the bible as much as I do to my Facebook friends? Do I pray for my friends and their walks or their salvation as much as I go looking through the photos their tagged in? What about Instagram? How many times a day do I scroll through passing time compared to passing my time memorizing scripture-the most life-giving words my soul could ever need and writing them on the walls of my heart?

I live for myself. I think of myself more than anyone else, and the kicker is I try to appear on the outside as though I have it all together while on the inside my soul is being robbed, kicked, and left to starve. The truth: my soul's livelihood has now been trained to be dependent on "supplemental" sources than the only nutrients that will sustain it. I cannot remind myself enough, where I'm from and whose I am.

So where do I come from? And whose am I? 

I am a child of God's through His grace given to me as a gift by the sacrifice of Jesus Christs life on a cross where 3 days later he rose from the dead to which the veil was torn and the barrier between me and my creator were destroyed forever! I am free!  I am free to seek him personally, and to call upon his name! My chains were obliterated that day he rose again, and though it may feel somewhat comfortable and familiar to continually run back to the darkness of the dungeon and try to fit my chains on again it is futile. My chains will not fit! The darkness cannot quench the thirst that my soul craves. The light is where He is found. The light is where I find him and sit in freedom. This is where I find the one my soul loves. This is where my soul thrives and is nourished. I want the light. I cast out the enemy from within the cracks of my faith! I call on the power and the name of Jesus Christ believing in the truth of the gospel, and choosing to minute by minute surrender to the light the chains I keep trying to fit back on. The battle is being waged. Don't let darkness make you comfortable. Don't let your soul be robbed of God taking you deeper into Him.

Rely on Him. Trust in Him. Let Him love and rescue you. 

I bring it to the light. I leave it there at the foot of the cross. There is power in confession.

Though my sins are scarlet he has made me white as snow!

What do you need to confess?

"He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom; he snapped their chains." (Psalms 107:14 NLT)