I'm reading a book called "Surprised by the Voice of God" by Jack Deere. It is for my Intro to Theo class, and according to my professor, I am suppose to have several disagreements with Deere's theology. But so far (and I'm about 1/2 way), I have read nothing but truth. Deere has challenged me tremendously on my theology of the voice of God and how the Spirit communicates with us. But before I completely recommend the book, I'm going to finish it and wait to hear my Professor's disagreements with the book's theology foundation. :)
Anyways, so far what I have read has challenged me in pursuing a lifestyle and a faith similar to the New Testament body of believers. In the New Testament, the body was encouraged to seek evangelism, the healing of bodies, spirits, emotions and marriages, deliverance, missions abroad and social care. It is necessary for me to have honest assessments of my practice and motives in relation to the example of Christ. Which brings me to all the lessons God has been teaching me in the past few weeks.
In my daily time with God, I'm going through a devotional that has been asking me to go through my impressions of God's character, but then to use scripture to edit this list of who I know God to be. When it first asked me who God was to me, I embarrassingly was stumped. Since returning from China, I feel like my communication/understanding of God has gone from techni-color to dull, hazy grey. In the haze, I'm not sure if I see him very clearly. So I didn't answer this question in the devo- yet. Two days later, God revealed himself to me in neon techni-color! I was sitting in my Theology class and my professor briefly mentioned the woman at the well. My mind took that image and bunny trailed off as my prof continued talking. All of a sudden, my heart swelled with emotion as I saw Christ at the well. And I was the woman He met there. He saw right through me. He knew everything there ever is to know about me- the good, the bad, the ugly. He knew me. He knew I was coming to the well at that moment. He is the crowned King, and for a few moments in his day, he came to me. He came to this well, to meet me. To look me in the eyes and show me for the first time I'm really known. Not only known but loved. Loved immensely and immeasurably despite myself. His love was so strong and His compassion was so strong I felt it not just emotionally or psychologically, but physically. His compassion was so great for me, His one lost sheep, he came out of his way to express to me how much he cared and how desperately he wanted me to follow him. He knew my needs, called out to them, and met them.
It's hard to know a love like this. We all look on those we love and at some point our love has wavered because of our actions, or their actions or their words or even circumstances. But this love NEVER wavers. It is constant. And His compassion emmanates from his eyes. And feeling that compassion, I can never question His love for those that we look on with frustration, disdain, annoyance, disgust or anything else. For those who have ever been in love, it's like that one night where you experience a moment of love so strong it seems to freeze time... now imagine, that one moment of experiencing love never ending. His compassion never fails and covers all of our inadequacies. Realizing this as I'm sitting in class, tears flooded my eyes and I tried my best to make them subside. No use. The Lord has broken through my haze with the bursting forth of His impenitrably bright light of His character. All I can think, He loves me.
I think this scene of the woman at the well really hit home for me this time because of an encounter I had on Sunday night. I was on my way to dinner with friends, and I needed to stop by the local 7/11 to return my Redbox. I don't live in the best part of Dallas, and so I'm always on high alert around the area. As I got out, I stood in line behind another man finishing his rental. To my right, there was a man with ragged, tattered clothes. He looked over at me and struck up a conversation. I acted friendly but kept my answers short and tried to hurry along the man in front of me so I could get back in my comfortable car and back to my life "where nothing bad exists". [this story kills me but if it encourages you in the least- it's worth sharing] Then to no surprise to me, the man asked me for money- 60 cents. SIXTY CENTS! That is nothing.... yet, I was prideful and told him I didn't carry cash with me. [while this is generally true, I usually have coins in my car-I'm sure I could have found close to 60 cents] But my cast judgements led me to think that I was better off or smarter for not giving him the money- after all "who knows what he would use the money on". It would have been easy to just give this man some money. What harm does it do to me? He's not going to take my whole month's income... so why is it so hard for me to just love him? My fallen nature at this moment spoke much louder... my mind entertained judgemental thoughts like "oh he put himself there- he just needs to get a job", or "he can ask someone else" or "be quick, try to be vague, ignore him, and go on with your day". As if the problem doesn't exist if I don't give it attention. All of these thoughts could not be further from the truth. I don't know this man. Unlike Jesus, I couldn't see and truly know everything about his past and present. Who knows how he ended up there with a need for an extra 60 cents. I chose to think the worst.
The most painful part of this encounter is not my failure to simply love, but to watch another man with even more tattered clothes and one grocery bag of belongings walk up and reach into his pocket and count out coins until he found 60 cents. He handed it over to the man who asked. I was utterly and painfully embarrassed. I would bet my life, the man who met this other man's needs didn't even have a place to sleep that night. Yet, here I am driving around in my comfortable car about to go spend way more than 60 cents on dinner, and my heart was too cold to this man and his needs that I couldn't bear giving up 60 cents.
God has compassion on me and love for me. God has compassion and love for this man needing 60 cents. God has compassion and love for the man who met the man's financial need. I didn't have compassion and love for him. I thought more highly of myself. God doesn't see the way we see. He doesn't see style of clothes or hair color, or skin color, or riches or rags. He sees the heart. He loves us regardless. There is no difference among us humans. We are ALL adopted sons and daughters. Jesus Christ is the only 'biological' son of God. But Jesus Christ was the 'adopted' son of Joseph's. We are all adopted sons and daughters, but every inheritance and rightesousness belonging to Christ is transferred to us his adopted sons and daughters. There is no difference in the love he has for us. If I didn't inherit all I have by my own merits, how dare I hold tightly to all I've been blessed with in this temporal life? My eternity is graciously given to me as a free gift. I need to give with the same grace- for all that I have is not nor never will be mine. Unfortunately it took a very uncomfortable and painful experience to visually demonstrate to my heart what my head always reads about in the Scriptures. May we hold on loosely to all we are given in this world.
Seeing my vision of the the story of the woman at the well after experiencing that encounter, has shown me more of who God is. He is the best in every way. He is any of the beauty I see in the world, He is any of the light I see in this world. I want to be like him. I want to go out of my way to meet others at a "well" (or in this case trash can) and give what they need. I want to see other's needs and be used to meet them. I don't want to live in ignorance of the suffering, pain and brokenness around me. I wasn't put on this earth for that reason.
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his masther's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: love each other". John 15:13-17
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