Good in Goodbye

I have officially said all my goodbyes to students and the city of Changchun. My team and I arrived to Beijing via overnight train on Friday night after a tearful hour long hugging period of goodbyes... and I can honestly say I have NO grip on my feelings at this point. All I can say is my Father is good and faithful.

The past week of classes were simply class goodbye parties as oral exams and grades had been finished & turned in. In each class, my students gave performances for me in a talent show style. And in return, (seeing as that I have no musical talent whatsoever) I chose to pass on my talent of country line dancing :) Ya can I get a Yeee hawww?! My students were disappointed in my lack of musical performance, but they thoroughly enjoyed learning the steps to Alan Jackson's Good Time. And to my surprise, they were rather decent at it! Following the performances, we would spend a good half hour taking pictures as a class and individual shots with me. My cheeks were so shaky and tired having to smile all day/all week. And each class, my emotions were all over the place. I had students holding on to me sobbing, I had boys telling me they wanted to come with me, and all the while I was trying to get a grip on what transitions were taking place around me & in my heart.

I have poured into Changchun, China differently than any other place or group of people in my life. I came here with a purpose, and I have run the race with aim & perseverance by His good Grace. And now I leave. Last Tuesday night, I came into my room after a meal with one of my closest Chinese friends and I just crumbled. I fell under the grief of having to say goodbye to people who are no longer random faces that all look alike- but rather, faces that have come to represent love and all things good. They are faces with names, and backgrounds; families and relationships; broken pasts & misplaced futures. They are MY students. MY first friends in China, and the first to teach me more than I could hope to learn in any other place. They have loved me well. They have taught me well. And I hope I have left them with a greater Hope and Meaning than what they knew before me. I fell under the grief of realizing that my time or season of pouring into these said individuals has come to an end... and this pains my heart because each one of my kids I want so badly to shake them and yell at them

"I HAVE TO SEE YOU THERE!! I HAVE TO SEE YOU SOMEDAY IN FOREVER LIFE! I CAN'T LEAVE HERE NOT KNOWING IF I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN OR THAT YOU DON'T GET IT- THE ONLY THING TO GET IN LIFE!!"

But that's not always the way He works. He works in His time, through His ordained people and through His given words. I have been used in this year to love and to love and to love until I have given all that He continues to pour into me to give. And praises to Him, I can say that I have done so. I had hard conversations with students. I answered the most difficult questions like ones about homosexuality, and the Word. I have given examples of my testimony and I have pointed to His Saving Work when students feel only  despair, dissatisfaction, and meaninglessness. And now, I grieve. Not because I want it (this season) to carry on forever, but because this special season of my life is being closed. He has called me to different things, conversations, and people. Just as He has called different people to come in and carry on the work at Hua Qiao that my team took on from those before us! So, I sat there on my bed Tuesday night tears streaming down my face, & I saw how beautiful this year has been in it's entirety. He is a good Dad. He is a faithful King and Shepherd. He knows when and how each student will make their final decision. He knows who I will see someday in forever. And He cries with me over those who will never find the narrow road of Truth. He knows, He sees, and He cries too. I'm thankful for a Shepherd who weeps too. Psalm 33.

And now I am sitting in Beijing. I have exactly 24 hours until I board a plane and leave Chinese soil. The past few weeks I've been full of fear about going home. Fearing facing specific sin (like materialism) that I haven't struggled with all year because of differences in culture. Fearing returning to changed friends and family who won't understand me or the changes that have taken place in my life, and I not understanding them. Fearing hellos again after such a long time apart (will they think I look different or act strange?). Fearing the future and fearing getting stuck in an ordinary life. But then, came my Warrior crashing through and destroying all my fears!! Last night, I picked up my Sword and began to read randomly in 2 Chronicles 20. Okay, for reals, Stop reading this post. STOP! Go, read 2 Chronicles 20, I'll patiently wait here :)




Okay, good thank you... isn't that amazing?! What a testament to His faithfulness and victorious fighting on our behalf when we truly seek Him and give thanks in ALL circumstances. This was the perfect passage to read in light of boarding a plane so soon.... Because my fears are trivial. I believe in THAT King... in THAT protective Father... the One who has called me by name, fights my battles for me, given me the gift of life, and promises that when He begins a good work in me, He will carry it out until completion! That is the hope and ground that I will stand on as I re-enter my home culture. I want to take all of China lifestyle that has assisted & shaped me in sanctifying me more like our Redeemer, and I want to be able resist the worldly standards by continuing to live as a foreigner in my "home" country! And one last thing I hope never leaves, my heart to be used in seeking & saving the lost. Much harder to do in the comfort of your home culture, but much more needed in this American culture so prone to wander by meaningless distractions that come with a developed society & lifestyle. So dear friends and family... see you STATESIDE!!

Please e-mail (codixon@westmont.edu) or call me (951-440-2783) if you want to get together to hear a more personal account of my time in China! I would love to share with each and everyone of you! Thank you to the Father for YOUR continued faithfulness in spending time before the Father on my behalf, and your financial partnership that made this year possible! I look forward to seeing your beautiful smiley faces :)