It's been awhile. And I'm sorry about that. The past few weeks have been some of the most emotional weeks yet. The weird thing is, there's not one specific thing I can put my finger on to really affirm me that that's the source of my emotions. Life here really doesn't have anything "horrible" about it. I have been provided with an incredible job where I'm making enough to support myself, I've been provided with a roof over my head, and I also have the gift of learning in an academic environment about the roots of my faith. Yet, each new day, I struggle.
There's been a few things that have been hard for me. With work and school, I'm constantly on the go. I don't necessarily have time to even sleep enough. My schedule is absolute chaos leaving me in a mess of vacancy. It's an odd feeling when the season of life you're in leaves you feeling like "you" have been replaced by an empty version of yourself. But, it's in seasons like these that I find my faith to be truer than I've ever known and more desperately needed than any thirst can quench. Seasons of winter, are what brings seasons of spring.
So in my season of winter, I have been encouraged by many of you- brothers and sisters. And I'm so thankful for the body and how it works together to continue persevering toward the cross. Ephesians 4 reminds me of the way the body and I have been living life together. Love it. Along with this encouragement, there comes a deep serenity amongst the dead, vacant feeling. And this is how I know my faith is sure, my hope is sound. I know in the hardest of times I face, that deep down there is one thing I will always be sure of. One thing I will never be robbed of my hope in, and that's my redemption from sin by Jesus Christ's victory over death through the Father's love for me.
God likes to mold, change, grow, prune, and sanctify his children. Whenever you come to wintery seasons, it's so comforting to cling to this. You just happen to be in a season where He's making you look more like His son. And in the process, you are humbled because you need Him, and you are thankful because His love means much more that day than ever before, and you are peaceful because you are once again reminded your destiny will never be taken from you, and you are lifted high because the body comes up next to you and walks with you carrying your burden, moving you along, and you are emotional because the way He's sanctifying you overflows the emotions of the soul and we see the most beautiful work as places in our hearts' once in darkness are taken over by His sweet light.This walk of life us children of God get the pleasure and sweet gift of traveling is truly one of the most incredible journeys as we live through the desserts, the mountains, the rain, the sunshine, the nice sandy beaches, to the overwhelming floods, to the piercing sunsets, and the reassurring sunrises. He is a beautiful Maker, and we are His beautiful creation. I love this divine romance, no matter how hard the path is that He asks me to travel.
As I sit in this odd season of winter, I still find beautiful bursts of color streaking across my gray skies and for these, I sing and dance. A couple days ago a woman called in and said she wasn't sure what to do. She has three kids, and can't have another. Despite her original thoughts, she has decided to carry, and also chosen adoption. I have never been more moved or more proud of another woman. This young woman knows the connection made by carrying a child, and she knows the joys of parenting. But she has chosen to be selfless in a very selfish world. She has chosen something most women aren't strong enough or courageous enough to do- she's chosen the hardest road. I commend her for this choice. Too often, adoption is cast in a negative light. And churches don't ever commend women for choosing it, and I think this should happen more often. How hard must that choice be, and how selfless are they being in putting the child's needs above her own. I think it can be a beautiful thing when done right. I would love to see women applauded for adoption in churches on Mother's Days. Because for them, those must be some of the hardest days.
I hope we can rally more around the hurting women in this world. And for this reason, I continue to persevere each day in this dreary season of overwhelming assignments, pressures, stress, lack of sleep and my deepest pain-missing family and friends back home. I hope to be a difference in the way hurting women are treated. They need to be loved. They need God's love. They need to know just like I do, the truth of Psalm 71 that rings loud and clear across the caverns of my heart during my weakest of moments.
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