All my life I've been a Daddy's girl. Ya ya ya... y'all can go ahead and make assumptions about what that means, but to me, there is not better thing than to be delighted in by your father. And my earthly father, has truly done an invaluable job raising me by loving and delighting in me. As a little girl, he was the first one I would go to crying with a scratched knee. He would encourage me in anything I would put my mind to doing.... sitting alongside my mom as one of my biggest fans in the world. He psyched me up for my first cross country races, and challenged me to go for a varsity spot my freshman year. When I walked out of my room in a dress for my first high school homecoming dance, he would tell me how beautiful I looked. There is no love for a little girl like her daddy's love. He gives her wings to achieve her dreams, and remarks on her beauty to give her confidence that soars high above the opinions of any boy she might like. He has protected me all my life, and seeks to do anything/everything he can for me. So why don't I make the same connection to my Heavenly Father?
Tonight, I came into work in a flurry with a bunch of things i've been mulling over for the past few weeks. My good friend who I look up to like an older sister sat me down and told me how it was. Yup one of those talks. She related her experience as a Daddy's girl to my experience with the same relationship, and then reminded me, if your earthly father loves as immeasurably as he does and would do anything for you, wouldn't your Heavenly Father not do the same thing? Touche.
All week in my classes, God's been getting my attention. He is speaking loud, but I keep asking for Him to turn the volume down. Ha, he loves to laugh at the way He made me :) My classes have been approaching "God's will" through the lenses of scripture, revelation and theology. I have heard things that have shaken me to the core moving things around in me that I wasn't quite wanting to move. I constantly am checking if I'm God's will. Well in my Introduction to Theology class, my professor remarked that whatever happens is God's will. I was taken a back. But it's true. God's will is not a huge mystery that we have to de-code to live in the way He's always planned for us too. My Spiritual life class explained it as so: God's will for your life is: 90% you already know... it's Biblical principles... 9% of God's will is personal choices... 1% is in the form of special revelation. Too often, we spend our lives in paralysis when it comes time to make decisions because we are so uncertain of this ominous "will of God". But there's really freedom in God's will. He speaks to us, He leads us, and most importantly just like my earthly father always has, God will provide for me.
It's not just going to be his lowest rate of provision either... but He will do anything and everything to provide what I need. And he knows exactly how he built me and who he's made Courtney Dixon to be.... and He is going to see me through this season with blazing bright, sparkly flying colors :) He loves me, He is for me. I trust my earthly father with everything, and I take his opinions very seriously because I know he has my best interest at heart. The same needs to be for my heavenly father. “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If
you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your
children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:9-11)
What a beautiful reminder my friend, Antrenette, brought to my attention. My heavenly father wants to give more to me than even my earthly father would want to! Uh, mind blown! But asking is something I need to be intentional about. If I'm not seeking him with my needs, I'm not seeking him for taking care of me. I'm not trusting him. I'm expecting things to either just happen "because they should", or I am fearful of what the answer might be- like God would give me his third or fourth best provision than the absolute best!
God provides. God is good. The enemy seeks to kill, destroy, and cut down anything remotely resembling this. He tries to get in the footholds of our hearts to break us down turning us to believe in the lies and lose faith in the God who would be contradicting His good nature if he chose not to provide for His children. And God is providing for me in ways I didn't think I needed.
One of the biggest battles I've faced in being here are tied to community. I have an incredible family. I truly love my family with all of my heart.... and I would love to be around them every day. My parents are really my best friends and I discuss with them things on the daily. They are the two people I admire and respect more than anyone else in this life. I want to be around them when I fall in love for the first time, and I want my dad and brother to be best friends with whoever God has for me to marry. And I worry more often than not how that will come to pass if I'm states away from them! I love the community I developed in China as well. It truly was a community unlike any other. They became my family. I miss the girls from my team, and wish to do life with them again day to day... but I worry that, that that opportunity will be missed states away. Then there's finances. The Lord has provided generously with my job here where I'm capable of paying all my bills with my monthly income, yet I'm still taking out partial loans for my Master's education. And I worry about the future- debt seems to limit people. And the list goes on and on.
But the promise of the scirpture above is that the Lord loves and the Lord gives to those who ask. It's worthless to worry about the previous things without seeking the Lord in all of it. Because even if he answers my requests differently than I would like, I know that in seeking him for the answers, I will be fully satisfied regardless. Amazing... just amazing.
Now, let me get to the part where I brag on my heavenly father! I have a family here who provides a sense of comfort to me every Tuesday night. I met a family of 6 through a dear friend from Westmont... 4 little girls, who I get the privilege of babysitting routinely. I show up and everything from their two labrador dogs bounding at the front door greeting me, to the mom who asks me sincerely how I'm doing each week to the nightly bed routine of rubbing their backs and reading them Go, Dog, Go until they fall fast asleep gives me a greater joy than I ever anticipated- God has provided a sense of home for me.
Then there's my work. I work at a pregnancy crisis hotline with only female employees. This group of women are genuinely my sisters. Considering I'm one of the youngest... I have about six new mothers and three older sisters who look after me, asking me about my daily life, asking to pray for my tests, giving me encouragement in my "love life" (or to them, lack thereof ;) and even simply offering a place to feel comfortable, accepted and cherished. God has bless me with this job, community, and women to learn from and work Kingdom work together.
Then there's the mind-blowing way God is currently orchestrating to bring girls who are very dear to me out to Dallas one at a time. A consistent prayer of mine since arriving in dallas, has been that I need "kindred spirits" to walk alongside me with day to day. And slowly He's building that. There's a group of women in my program who encourage me... and then the kicker is he is bringing me one by one friends form other seasons in life to join me here in Dallas. One friend I went to undergrad with grew up in the DFW area, and about two weeks ago has recently moved back here. I can already tell you she is a gift from God during this season in life. I can't wait to grow in our friendship and having a friend here who knows my Westmont College background making her a piece of home to me. And another friend has lived out here before me, but about the time I moved out here started dating one of my best friend's Kelly. And she has been a shooting star in my life this semester, blazing across the darkness of the semester to give me hope and encouragement each of the weekends she comes to visit him! And (between you and me) my prayer is she comes out here one weekend and it's on a one-way ticket :)
Then there's finances as I mentioned earlier. Father has provided some financial scholarships that have greatly humbled me and given me hope to leave here with much less debt than I thought.
And for all the other things I desire, He is waiting in His perfect time to provide. And I can trust in Him. He has yet to ever fail me, despite my consistent ability to fail Him. I want to live a life of continual communication with Him as I watch Him unfold my biggest dreams....
It's the most beautiful love story... it's a dance where I'm learning as I go... He's teaching me as I move. And though there are times where I'm kicking and screaming or everything in me is itching to run in the opposite direction, I will stay right where He's planted me. His way is best. He loves me. I have all the same reservation as others, I have fears and limits, but I'm sitting still, learning to let Him take my hand and gently guide me through the rough waters like I've never known before.
It's a beautiful love song He's serenading me as we sweetly sway around the world as our dance floor, my cowboy boots scuffing as He leads and changes our directions. I don't even think Taylor Swift could write as beautiful a love song as the one I'm experiencing with my Heavenly Father. :)
My prayer: that He continues to be the potter... and us the clay... as we are moved, crushed, re-shaped, and molded until the last of our numbered days.
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